UN--Ex--PECTED

       

6 months ago an unexpected last minute plan took me to Guntur. I was going to meet two separate sets of friends. I was supposed to have lunch with one of the gang and hangout in the evening with another. I got down near the street of a friend's house and waited for him to pick me up. I also called two more people who miraculously agreed to the plan at the last minute. We were supposed to have lunch at a hotel which looked like it was way out of our budget. But I was assured by my friend that the prices were affordable. Both of us waited in the hotel lobby for the other two to join.

    The third person arrived and we decided to go in and order as it was already 2 PM. As we went inside the first person I saw inside was my Ex-girlfriend's father. I am shit scared of that man. He has never seen my face but I am still scared of him. He was washing his hands when I entered. I quickly scanned the place to see if I could find her. I didn't find her. I was relieved for a second. Since it was already late I assumed he was leaving. Me and my friends sat on a table that was meant to be for four. Beside us there was a table for two and I saw him walking towards us only realizing that he was about to sit beside our table. Out of nowhere my ex girlfriend showed up and sat in front of him. She was just a few feet away from me. I could see him because he was seated diagonally to me. In that instant I was a bit relieved because she wasn't in my line of vision. That relief was a very short one as I found a giant mirror in front of me through which I could see her clearly. Thanks to Covid I was still wearing my mask. I have decided that I would spend the rest of the lunch like this only to realize that I can't eat while I am wearing a mask.

    I took off my mask and told myself that I won't look at the mirror. Exactly four seconds later I found myself looking into the mirror. There was a brief eye contact. I couldn't look into those eyes. Did I mention they were beautiful? In a split second my brain brought back all those memories and served them on the plate in front of me. I recalled everything. How an innocent and immature first love turned bitter in a span of two years. All the beautiful moments, ugly fights, unnecessary arguments, petty things that left things sour in the end. A relationship that showed me what love is. A relation that taught me so many important lessons. A relation that brought trauma and depression, that left many scars behind. A symphony that turned bitter in the end.

    I couldn't handle the emotional outburst inside me. I turned towards my friend and asked him if we could go to another place. At 2:30 in the afternoon while everyone was hungry, I dragged them outside because I was unable to handle my emotions. I felt bad for my friends. I felt like I was running away. The truth was I was unable to face one of my failures in my life. No matter how old I become I will never muster the courage to face my first love. Such was the trauma it left behind and I am sure she also must have gone through a lot.

    The reason I am writing this today is because I stumbled upon her mother's Whatsapp DP. She was there in the picture and beside there was a guy who had his arm around her. That moment I realized that she is either engaged or married. First of all, that guy is so lucky because he has an amazing mother in law. I absolutely adore my ex's mother even though I know that she absolutely hates me now for what happened to her daughter because of the relationship. After some intensive stalking I found out that she is indeed married and my first reaction was relief. I was absolutely relieved.

    Post break up she texted me a couple of times and every time the conversation would end by me getting angry and being harsh with her. Few hours after the conversation I used to feel bad. Our breakup occurred at a time when she was not in a good state. Every time I was harsh I later wished that she found someone who would help her out. I had friends who could help me. I had people around me who would lift me up whenever I was low. I wanted her to have someone like that. I wanted her to be in love with someone again. She needed love more than me. At least that is how I felt. I wished it, not because I can get rid of her. I wished for it because only love can heal scars occurred from another love.

    She looked happy in those pictures and I was genuinely happy for her. She now has someone of her own. Someone who would take care of her. I wish that guy to be a thousand folds better than me. I wish he keeps her happy all the time because after everything she has gone through, she deserves every inch of happiness. I am relieved finally because she now has someone always beside her. She will never be alone ever again.

    I never apologized for everything that happened between us. I don't know why. Now seems like a good time to apologize but I don't want to spoil anything that she has right now. I am respectfully backing off. This piece of blog is forever dedicated to her. It will always be an everlasting fragment of my memory. This is my apology to her for everything that happened between us. I feel really sorry for making her lose trust in love. She did prove to be one tough character. She did teach me a few things along the and I would be forever be grateful to her. A part of what I have become today is because of her.

    Funny how I saw her unexpectedly, how I stumbled upon the picture accidentally, how I am writing an article and she doesn't even know. I want to wish her but I also know that I don't have the right to talk to her now after all I never tried to know whats happening in her life. Let things be like this and who knows what might happen because life does work in unexpected ways.